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This year signifies a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {