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Our close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered several hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been often taken by surprise by people. Her partner walked away, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds strong opinions. I try to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for some time. I tried to offer personal experiences, however, my input not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently returned from a month there she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the impact of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for a solution demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state what typically happens in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts like an unbiased account. Next is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Finally involves requesting how the two of you can shift the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

She could ignore your concerns, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this and then think your perspective. And should you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction from having been honest with her.